Unacceptable

Is it really that wrong for a man to show a little emotion? Do all men have to be the burly, hairy, deep-voiced, cigar-chomping, sword-wielding, battle-crying, emotion-less type for girls/guys to accept them?

I'll admit, that I am one of the few guys that likes to express my emotions (This is apparent from just reading a few of my previous entries). Due to the fact that I am such an emotional guy, especially one that likes to divulge these emotions, I do get a lot of negative criticism from guys and girls... What I don't get is; why can't a man ask to be loved? Is it really that much of a turn off for girls when a man yearns for a woman's comfort? For a man to desire a woman to actually say "I Miss You". For a guy to want to hear from his woman "I love you"?

Okay, well this is going nowhere so I'll say this; I'm that guy. I'm the guy that wants to hear "I miss you." I'm the guy that wants needs to be loved. I'm the guy that goes head over heels for a girl. I'm the guy that wants to tell the world that he's found the one. I'm the guy that gives it his all for her. I'm that guy. So if you have a problem with me... F*CK OFF

Emotions

Life is like a roller-coaster ride, everyone has their ups and downs. Some stay up longer than others, and vice versa. Im going to blame the destructive weather we've been having; I'm down.

Played basketball the other day; did nothing. Downloaded some old school games I used to play back in the day; Diablo II. Made a Necro, went out of town, killed 2 of those little red creature things and uninstalled it. Watched The Watchmen, sucked. Started watching Terminator Salvation, turned it off 45 seconds in.

I'm sure everyone's gone through this a few times, nothing seems to pick me up. Spending time with my girlfriend does the trick, but I end up in the dumps as soon as I leave. Sometimes I find myself daydreaming, and when I snap out of it, I can't even remember what it was I was so preoccupied with. It feels like somethings missing.

Summer vacation... yeah right. If you can call working 40 hours a week a vacation. But no complaints, because I mean... you gotta get paid right? Word. Well I don't know what it is...

Maybe it's because I'm not really living. I mean, naturally, there are things I want to do, things I yearn for. I've got dreams; aspirations and goals, maybe I should start living towards these things.

I want to skip work and have a picnic. I want to sing a song for someone. I want to go bike riding. I want to play tennis. I want to eat a fat steak for lunch. I want to host a party. I want to be enthralled in a conversation about the meaning of life. I want to spend time with my childhood friends. I want to watch the sunset/sunrise. I want to eat candy for breakfast, and pancakes for dinner. I want to cry on a shoulder, and I want to be the shoulder to cry on. I want to be someone's mentor for a day. I want to learn something new and exciting, like how to ollie on a skateboard...

But for some reason, I can't make myself do these things. Life is full of responsibilities and obligations... so where do we go from here?

Why My Life Sucks as explained by...

Young Kim

"I will explain why your life sucks, by asking just three questions;

1. What was the last thing you spent money on that you really wanted?
2. How much money do you currently have, after working 40+ hours a week for 2 years?
3. When are you getting the MacBook that you've wanted since last year?"

+15

So according to my scale, I now weigh 170lbs. Which is 15lbs more than what I weighed a week before winter break. Looking back at my logs from the Core days, looks like I was pretty lean, and somewhat in-shape. I went from 165lb to 159lb in about a week then gained some weight/muscle and went up to a nice, healthy 163lb benching; 4-sets/10-reps @ 135lbs.

I benched the other day at Body Chemistry in Norwood. 2-sets/10-reps @ 95lb, then 3rd-set, I was only able to do 8-reps @ 115lb... how sad haha.

I'm slowly, but surely changing my eating habits as well. I still don't eat breakfast, which is not good, but for lunch I generally eat healthy- grilled chicken salad, grilled chicken sandwich, or just a protein bar- while drinking 16oz protein shake about 4-5 times a day. It's definitely vomit inducing, but I try so hard to keep it down... just because I hate wasting money, and throwing up would be wasting good protein, which is a waste of money.

Some people have told me lifting is a waste of time and money, but I don't know... I think I've been a lot more sluggish since I've stopped working out. I remember I used to work out Mon, Wed, Friday and go to school full time, work 35hours a week and still go to the city. I would only get about 2-3 hours of sleep a night, but I was never really too tired... but once I stopped working out, I can barely make it back home from the city at like 3A.M.

I guess I'm working out so I can have a longer/more active day. Sure, working out takes up a good 6 hours out of my week, but it also gives me the energy to stay out later and go through my day with less sleep... AND I will look good :)

At this point, I am kind of embarrassing myself with the light-weights I'm using at the gym, but hopefully within the next two weeks, I can actually use "real" weights and not look so dumb while working out. If anyone knows of any good-tasting protein shake/powder, and protein bars, please let me know... because the stuff I'm taking right now is really disgusting and I am pretty much as close as I can get to vomiting every time I eat my protein bar or drink my shake.

Top 5: Ways to Show You're a Gentleman

What kind of girl would fall for the self-centered slob from the pub? A real lady needs a real gentleman. Gentlemen, for centuries have been praised upon by women and men alike. Women want to be with gentlemen and men want to be gentlemen. Some guys think they know what it takes to be a gentleman; show a little attention to her and open a few doors for her and boom, you're a gentleman... I don't think so. What most men do to become gentlemen, like talking about sentimental topics, or having "girl talks" only makes them gentle men. Well here are some pointers on differentiating between the gentle man and the gentleman. Follow these steps, and you will be on your merry way to becoming a real gentleman.



1. The umbrella

Sometimes the umbrella is just not big enough to cover both of you completely. In this case, a gentleman would obviously lean the umbrella towards his lady friend. Guys, getting a little wet won't kill you, if anything it'll get you some extra points for later that night when she sees that you sacrificed a shoulder for her to be nice and dry. A true gentleman is always thinking two steps ahead.

2. Walking on the sidewalk

Most men don't know this, but making sure the woman is on the inside of the sidewalk is crucial. Don't ever let her walk closest to the street where cars are driving. Holding her hands will make her feel safe, but make sure you let her know, if there is any danger, she is farthest from it. And if there was any imminent danger from the street, you are there to protect her. Attention to minor details such as this is what distinguishes a gentleman from a gentle man.

3. The towels

Again, the gentleman is always keen on details. When a woman steps out of the shower, you should be there to hand the towels to her. I say towels and not towel because a woman needs two towels. We men just use one big towel but, we don't have those lovely long locks like Rapunzel. A woman needs a towel to dry her body and another one to wrap around her hair. Details gentlemen, details!



4. Offer your jacket

The weather seems a bit more chilly than what the weather said, and your lady friend really seems to be feeling the wind chill. No worries! Because she is with a gentleman, and he is not afraid of the cold. Offer your jacket, but NEVER let her know that you may be cold. Don't show her any signs of the weather getting to you, and don't remind her of the weather. Simply let her know you are okay, and make sure she is warm, that's all you care about.

5. Introduce her

When attending a social gathering, its your duty as a gentleman to introduce your lady friend to the rest of the crowd. It's not about flaunting her, but more about letting her feel comfortable. Having her stand next to you while you talk to your friends is rude and very disrespectful. She doesn't need to be treated like a trophy that you carry around. Make her feel comfortable, let your friends be her friends. Briefly introduce her to the others, making sure she is physically included in the conversation.

The Lazy Roadblock

There are multiple phases in a relationship. There is the beginning phase, where one has to initiate the relationship and both must work to begin the lasting relationship. There may be gifts involved; flowers, candy... the works. This is a very exciting phase, very fun and new. There is no expectation, no pressure and no hesitation involved, only adoration and dedication. This phase is quite simple and most people understand that hard-work is a requirement for this stage.

Then we move into phase 2, which is a bit more tricky. This is the part where two people become intimate and start to feel comfortable with each other. Some people see this phase as a freebie, a stage where both partners can set their relationship on cruise-control and feel the breeze in their hair. WRONG! This is a critical phase in a relationship and here's why.

As a guy, being comfortable with a girl is the greatest feeling ever. Having someone you love be a best friend to share all your secrets with, and to talk to her about anything is a wonderful feeling. But there is a fine line between being comfortable and being lazy.

Most girls will find their mates to be lazy in this phase. The guy might start dressing differently; she will see a little less of his nice jeans and shirts, and a little more of his sweat pants and hooded sweatshirts. She will begin to analyze his actions which may seem lazy to her. Calling/texting her only twice a day, rather than every hour or so from phase one.

Whilst the girl is seeing this in her man, the man is simply in a phase of comfort. Maybe he will call her less when she's out because he trusts her. Maybe he will dress a little differently because he wants to show that it's okay for her to let her hair down too.

Obviously, the juxtaposition of the two ideas creates a conflict between the two partners. It's hard to pinpoint when this situation occurs in phase two, but its important to know the resolution; communication.

Yes, it sounds very cliche; "communication is key to a healthy relationship." But it's true! How will she ever know that he's not being lazy if she doesn't give him a chance to explain his new- unattractive- behaviors? How will he ever understand her coldness towards him if he doesn't ask?

By talking about the situation and the changes that have occurred in the relationship, both partners can properly access the problems infront of them. If the guy seems to be lazy, he needs to remember that he needs to show her as much love as he did in phase one, that just being in a relationship doesn't mean the showering of love needs to stop. He could use a little reminder himself that she is his beloved and that he would do anything for her.

She would understand that the guy's expression of comfortability is a bit odd. Then she would begin to accept his actions and understand that his motives were not to be faineant. Maybe this way, she will realize that maybe she is expecting too much from him and come to terms that she is not in the relationship for the things he did for her, but simply out of adoration for him.

So in this difficult and tricky stage of the relationship, communication is crucial. Take the time to sit down and talk it out. Don't do anything irrational, calm yourself, keep your head up, be optimistic, give each other the benefit of the doubt, and talk it out! Always remember; there IS a phase 3. Don't be lazy, and make reaching the next phase both your goals.

Do Work

I remember the days of listening to this hardcore band... I know they are a bit crazy looking, but like they say; "don't judge a book by its cover." As crazy as they appear, I honestly think that they are very very musically talented. They also put on one hell of a show. I personally haven't been to any of their shows (I'm kind of scared to be killed by a mosh-pit) but from the hundreds of videos I've seen of their live performances, they are incredible. They just somehow capture the audience and put them in some sort of a trance and they all go off into their own little demonic world hah.

I remember I used to make fun of people that wore SlipKnot shirts and stuff, but that's because I was an ignorant fool. I was so judgmental of everyone and everything. I need to start to take the time to do a bit of research or get to know people because I automatically judge them. It's not only rude, but just downright obnoxious for me to judge a stranger for their beliefs and their interests. For those who know me, you know that I can be a funn kid, but when I need to, I can be as serious as anyone out there. But to those who don't know me too well and only read my blog posts, you might think that I'm some wacko with bi-polar disorder. I suppose you have the right to your own opinion, but instead of automatically assuming you know everything about everything/everyone, take a minute to actually get to know what's going on.

I am a SlipKnot listening, basketball playing, music loving, caring, kind, funny, determined, well-spoken, tubby, korean student (There are obviously other things to me, but you gotta actually do some work and find out who I am for yourself)

Oh ya, I got into Baruch :) Finally... those jerks took their sweet ass time with it too. 4-6 weeks my ass... it was more like 9 week for me!

Well, it's time to get back to work... =\ I hope everyone enjoys this nice weather today! Hopefully, it'll stay this nice when I get outta work at 5

I'm tired

Just like the rest of you guys with your finals and stuff; I'm tired. But I'm not tired of studying, because I don't do any of that. In fact, I'm tired of never studying. I'm tired of always just "getting by." I'm tired of telling myself "good enough." I'm tired of others looking at me as if I am nothing. I'm tired of pretending it doesn't hurt. I'm tired of letting others put me down. I'm tired of surrounding myself with people that will bring me down. I'm tired of always being the nice guy. I'm tired of stating the obvious. I'm tired of lying. I'm tired of being your clown. I'm tired of being your doormat. I'm tired of saying "it's okay." I'm tired of feeling hopeless. I'm tired of never getting any help. I'm tired of people telling me "it could be worse." I'm tired of my lack of optimism. I'm tired of letting things get the best of me. I'm tired of constantly running through hoops. I'm tired of blaming it on bad luck. I'm tired of complaining. I'm tired of wishing. I'm tired of dreaming. I'm tired of hoping. I'm tired of keeping everything bottled up inside. I'm tired of not having anyone to talk to. I'm tired of being tired.

Where is my relief?

Feelin' Like a Million Bucks

The weather has been more or less good for the past month or so. During those nice days I tried to get outside and play basketball with some known acquaintances, but it just wasn't the same... I thought I had lost that love for basketball, lost the enthusiasm I had for the one thing I loved more than anything. But now I realize what was missing. It wasn't just that I loved the game of basketball, as it was my love for the connection I had with the people I played with.

The past month or so I have been playing, it was with people I have met playing basketball, none of whom were my actual friends, just people I've come to know on the courts playing basketball. Playing with these people turned out okay at best, but after a while, I lost interest in the game. Lost interest in playing with any of them. I just couldn't understand how these guys were having so much fun... I mean, I probably loved the game more than any of these people combined, yet I'm here miserable and they are having the time of their lives. Then it hit me... they were with their friends. None of them came alone, or with just one other person; everyone rolled at least 5-deep (lol). That's how they were able to enjoy the day so much more than I could. Being with friends- whether they sucked at the game or not- made their day that much better. I finally realized this yesterday; that friends are the key to happiness.

After spending the weekend in the city, I came home Sunday morning for Mother's Day brunch with my family. After eating a crap-load of food, I fell asleep like a pig and woke up around 1:30pm and texted everyone I knew that was back home for a nice game of basketball. Not too many people were around yet, but I got to play with kids I haven't seen in a while- Jeff, Jin, Chris and Young. In the beginning it was alright, just another day of basketball, same as always. But as we got into our 4th, 5th, 6th game... I realized it was different. I was actually enjoying it, regardless of the outcome of each game, I was having fun!

Sure, Jin wasn't able to guard Young (who drained about 12 three's) which may have lost the game. Sure Jeff had butterfingers all day lol. Sure, I played like a 12 year old and got blocked (by Chris) about 8 times. But I wasn't once upset over any of that. Normally, if I played in Tenafly or Harrington Park and got blocked even once, I'd be so pissed. And if some idiot on my team cost us the game, I'd be so frustrated and never let that kid back on my team. But yesterday was different, and it's because of the people I got to spend time with. The connection I had with these people while playing was something I was missing since winter break. Getting blocked and laughing about it brought a feeling of ease rather than angst, and even though Jin was on my team, watching him struggling to guard Young and his three-pointers was just hilarious!

Looking back to some of my earlier entries about how difficult life is, how empty I felt, or just how I was always down, seem to make sense now. I was feeling down all the time because I was missing that connection with my friends. Communication via AIM, or Facebook is one thing, but lacking that physical connection with people had made me crazy. I guess friends are what keeps me in one piece, they are what keeps me sane. I just can't wait till everyone is back for the summer. I think this might be that big pick-me-up I've been waiting for...

And to those of you who are back home for summer break. Welcome back! Lets play ball :)

500 Days of Summer

What could you possible do in a situation like that? You fall for a girl but she doesn't believe in Love, and the last thing she wants to do is find it. Everyone will probably go through a situation like this at least once in their lives. We live in a world with free speech, and where we are encouraged to be independent thinkers; some will want to fall in love, willfully searching for love. This also leaves others to simply turn the other cheek when love approaches.

He loves her, but she doesn't. She loves him, but love is just not in his vocabulary. Unrequited love? We often think of unrequited love as love that is not returned, one person loves another but the other doesn't reciprocate the love. This then leads us to believe that there cannot be a relationship with love that is unrequited, but this is false.

Love can indeed be unrequited in a relationship. Unrequited love is simply when "The beloved may or may not be aware of the admirer's deep affections." So looking at it with an open mind, unrequited love can exist within a relationship. One person loves the other, but the other is just unaware of the deep affections. The beloved who is unaware may be in the relationship for a completely different reason than the lover. Realizing this must be devastating... imagine giving everything you have into the relationship, only to have it go unnoticed by your beloved. It sounds like an unhealthy relationship, but it does happen and everyone will inevitably go through it.

No point in getting down over the realization of this circumstance, rather look beyond the situation and plan ahead; how will things go from here? Are you willing to give it 150% and gain the love of your beloved? Or did it take you too long to realize this and you have no more fuel in the tank?

If you're willing to go that extra mile to vie for that love, then good. If you're running on an empty tank, maybe it's time to get out and walk. Maybe you'll find someone that'll give you some fuel to fill that tank up (yeah, I'm really riding out this whole car-fuel-tank-analogy lol).

On the brighter side, maybe by the time you realize you've been a doormat, he/she will come around and things will start evening out. So if you're in a relationship where the love is not returned, just keep your head up and try to stay positive. Love will find its way somehow.

Oh and as for the movie... I can't wait for it! lol

Sifting Through the Bullsh*t

Why is it that people feel the need to hide who they really are? I've come across so many nasty people that hide behind such a beautiful facade. From the outside, he/she appears to be pure, kindhearted and warm. But lift the mask (or the 4 inches of make-up) to reveal the true beast within...

Often called a "tool," these individuals will just about say/do anything they need to befriend you. It's quite a show once you discover one and decide to exploit it. The reasoning behind decisions made by these despondent creatures is unknown, and we can only speculate the basis of their actions.

I can only speculate that these people just hate themselves enough to want to be somebody else. Someone who says something, just to make others laugh. Someone who does something to gain the attention of others. I mean, if you really have the motivation to do it, anything is possible right? Maybe he/she really hates him/herself that much to vie for the perfect guise. A unique disguise that will intrigue, mystify and lure any unsuspecting victim.

But you can't fool me... because I grew up in the valley, and growing up with these sad individuals helped me better spot them out in the wild. If you know one fake person, then you know them all. There isn't much to these creatures, you go through a handful of them and you'll be spotting them out like a pro.

LIFE IS HARD

I've been at it 20 years now, and it's still like a kick in the mouth. I don't know what it is; maybe I'm just naive, and I wake up expecting life to be easy or something, but everyday it's like drinking a glass of sour milk in the morning. It's always the same carton of milk, but I keep thinking "maybe today it'll be okay."

There have been many times in my life where I just wanted to call it quits. I guess that makes me weak. 20 years in and already calling it quits? But lately I can't help but feel like I'm walking towards a wall. Everything may appear fine and dandy; clear blue skies and luscious green grass, but just ahead of me stands a great big wall ready to stop me at my tracks. I want to avoid this wall of course, but I can't get off this conveyor belt.

Writing seems to be the only remedy to the blues. I guess it's because as I sit here typing away, the keyboard isn't going to tell me that I'm boring, and to change the subject. The monitor isn't going to turn itself off (my computer might, because my computer is as old as balls and keeps turning off on me lately) and say "cry me a river." But the state of melancholy that I have recently been in is slowly building a tolerance to this remedy of writing. I am running out of things to do, things to keep my mind wandering long enough to forget about the struggles.

I used to think it was luck. I was just an unlucky kid, no matter what I did, my misfortunes would kick me in the ass. Then I thought maybe it was karma. Maybe all those childhood years of being a malevolent jackass has finally caught up to me. I believed this so much that I remember for about a month or two, I went to all those I had wronged and apologized, asking for forgiveness- it didn't work.

Some people might mention seeking the aid of a higher power. Trust in Christ and have faith and he will save me. But, I'm not going to just start praying to God to help me get over this. "Help me with ____ and I will worship you forever." That mentality seems so played out- so fake. I don't want to subject myself to that.

So what can I do? A friend once said to me "its a little bit better/greener when you have a partner in crime." Implying that things are better when you've got that significant other. And yes, it's better. I wouldn't know what I'd do if I didn't have someone like Carol to help me through some of the stuff I go through. But at the same time, there is only so much she can do for me. I think I've reached that point where I am officially lost.

I don't know where I am, how I got here, and I definitely have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing. I think I know where I want to go, and I have an idea of how to get there. But where do I begin? Now... I'm not expecting anyone to hold my hand and guide me through life, that's definitely not what I am implying. I guess, like most of my blog entries, I'm just stating the obvious. That life isn't all about shits and giggles. It's about hard work- dedication, commitment and will power. And if you don't got that... then peace. Because you don't got what it takes to live.

And for those who actually might have a smidgen of a soul and care about me... don't worry, I'm not gonna kill myself. And I think I can go without having 15 people trying to give me life lessons. I just wanted to write this for me. Maybe-hopefully, one day I can look back on this thing and see how much of an idiot I was. Depressed over such sophomoric things. Maybe I can look back on this when I'm older, maybe when I'm a little more successful and see that during what I believed to have been the worst times in my life, I was never completely in the darkness. That the light at the end of the tunnel is always present, and all it takes to get out of it is a little motivation, a little dedication, and a nice hard slap in the face.

Face... meet Hand. Hand... say hello to Face

The Pursuit

After that comment from "Scrub" about the film Pursuit of Happyness, I was tempted to look up the ending of the movie on Youtube. I've seen the movie before, but at a time in my life where, frankly, it didn't mean anything to me. I was in high-school and sadly, I didn't have any aspirations, or big goals in my life, just finish high-school and begin the next level of education.

After watching the movie's emotional ending, I couldn't help but watch more. I started going through all of the related clips. Then I came across the one above. Whether or not Chris Gardner actually said that to his son, or it's just something Hollywood conjured up to get a message across in this movie, I'll probably never know. However, the message is there; it's real, and it's certainly something to think about.

"Don't ever let somebody tell you, you can't to something. You got a dream, you gotta protect it. People can't do something themselves, they wanna tell you that you can't do it. You want something? Go get it. Period."

So when I watched this movie, I didn't think much of it. I just thought of it as some guy that was going through some difficulties in his life, and he finally got a break. But, I guess I really have matured over the last 3 years, because thinking about that just makes me want to punch myself in the face. This guy didn't just get a break, he didn't just sit around begging others for help, he took the initiative and did what he needed to do for his child and himself. He was proactive and worked his ass off! And now he's living his life the way he should. Luck has nothing to do with the success of Chris Gardner.

I envy anyone who can consistently live with that mentality. The mentality; "if you want something, go get it. Period." I mean, if I want something, I work for it, but I can only go to a certain point. I've wanted/needed a new laptop for the past 2 years, and I do occasionally bust my ass here at work, vying for sales commission in order to feed the piggy bank. But apparently, I don't have that drive. Because I've been working for 2 years, and I still don't have enough for a laptop. Actually... maybe this simply illustrates my irresponsible spending habits, but regardless, If I had the motivation to get what I wanted, I'd be able to get the laptop and still be able to spend money on whatever I wanted.

I need that motivation to strive for the next level. To strive for success. Everybody has dreams and aspirations to do something or become someone. I don't dream of becoming the richest man on Earth, or the most significant figure in the world; I just want to write. My dream is to write for Engadget. Some may find this stupid, and immature for wanting to write about toys. Sure, I won't be making six-figures, and I probably won't be living in the biggest house in the neighborhood, but I will be doing something I love, and no matter what anybody says to me, they can't take that away from me. "Do something you love, and you won't have to work a day in your life." That's a little more endearing to me than making six-figures... So, it's time for me to step up and protect my dream[s]. To do whatever it takes to reach my goal[s]. It's never too late or too early for The Pursuit.

Beautifully Imperfect

These two videos speak volume, and I don't think I want to ruin them with my drivel. Enjoy

Equilibrium

What does it take to have a healthy relationship? Most people will tell you that it's about teamwork; it's about two people coming together and contributing the same amount of effort and expressing an equal amount of love for one another to maintain that stable relationship. This sounds about right... but how do we get to that state of equilibrium?

Easy, two people that like each other start dating, then they will fall in love; 50/50, boom.

...I don't think so. From personal experience, I can tell you what needs to happen is for a guy to possess an ebullient love for the girl, be completely head over heels for a girl that just does not care about him (this puts us at 100/0). The guy needs to work his butt off to win her heart, the keyword here is to be: pertinacious. After much sweat and tears, he will have won the trust and heart of his beloved. From there, the two will show each other the love that is needed and will slowly, but surely reach that state of equilibrium (50/50).

When I shared this thought with a friend of mine, she insisted that I was completely wrong. That I had an erroneous view of a "healthy relationship."

Jasmine's rebuttal was that, the aforementioned situation is only the ideal situation we all seek. Realistically, she says; girls fall for the guy's commitment, the kind of commitment that really shows, when a guy gives it a 100% (pertinacious). But, in the real world, nothing remains at 100% capacity for long, and once that commitment begins to diminish (which is usually while the two are dating), so does the relationship. She is implying that the guy will give it his all til the point of exhaustion, at which point he will inevitably break/crash/burn and call it quits.

I see the validity in her rebuttal and I do agree with her view on the whole equilibrium situation, but I also disagree lol. Here is my rebuttal to your rebuttal (I'm sure there is some legal jargon for this, but I don't know it); Yes, the guy's commitment will slowly diminish, but at this point, the girl would have stepped up and displayed her share of love as well, which would keep the guy's spirits up. Once the girl even has an ounce of love to share with the guy, I think that's when the stabilization process begins. A guy's commitment/love will surely go from 100% to 90%, to 80% then to 70% and so forth, but while this is happening, the girl's 0% love, would most certainly rise a significant amount, I would hope it would rise significantly faster than the guy's going down... but my point is; at a certain point, they will meet in the middle and reach that state of equilibrium.

Is this too unlikely? Is my vision completely insane? Can this occur within the realms of our world, or is it doomed to abide in utopia?

The Most Important Lesson...

What exactly is this telling us? That in life, we only have people that are greedy? That people are always looking for the answer, but never willing to share it? That in life, we need to fight for everything? Maybe it just simply means... that the answer to life is never that easy, and that the answers to life cannot be given, but must be vied for.

"By suffering comes wisdom"

What do you think?

Gameplan

So there hasn't been much going on lately... Not much on my mind either, which is sad.

"The mind is a terrible thing to waste."

I know that quote means to actually do something with your life, like, go to school and stuff, but I currently feel like I am wasting my mind. I like to believe that I am someone that likes to talk, someone with a lot on his mind, and to have been silenced, by the mundane rituals of everyday life seems like a tragedy. I have been striped of my youthful imagination and in its place is a black and white photograph depicting the rest of my life; one long routine- til my ultimate demise.

I should really stop being that "glass is half empty" kind of guy, but is it better to just lie? To tell myself that only the opposite is true. Or is ignorance the way to go? Does ignorance really bring a blissful life? I look at Young and Sean- ignorant as any can possibly be- and at times I am jealous. Jealous of the lifestyles they live. To them the smallest things bring them joy, much like a child. The look in Young's eyes when he gets chicken and rice in the city can only be compared to a child getting a puppy for Christmas. Sean could care less about his physical appearance; it shows in the clothes he wears everyday. Now, I'm not saying I wanna all of a sudden turn into an ignorant fool, or dress like a child, I just envy their simple lives.

Remember those days where homework only took 30minutes to finish? When staying up all night was an option, not a necessity? When if your crush even looked at you he/she made your day? When going to school only meant you were going to see your friends. What about when summer vacation meant summer vacation, not more hours at work?

I definitely miss those days. But it's unfair to say that life has turned for the worst, no, not unfair, but selfish. And proclaiming a life of ignorance would be better than the life I have today, is a weak and shameful view on life. Change is inevitable. Change can most definitely be good too! Most of you that know me, know full well that I have changed a lot. I won't get into too much detail, because I've told this story way too much... but I went from that Young Kim-esque, indifferent Alex Kang, to a more well-rounded, acute, [at times] romantic Alex Kang. Like anything else in this world, there are pros and cons. I just need to come to terms with the cons and realize that the pros outweigh the cons. Living an ignorant life won't bring me joy, I'd just be lying to myself. Living a hateful life won't do it either, obviously.

You must be asking yourself now, "so what do we do?!"

What do we do? We can only prepare ourselves for the transformation ahead. Some have already come to terms with this and successfuly segued into their newly found lives. For those of us who have not done so, we have to mentally and emotionally prepare ourselves for the peregrination ahead. Accept the fact that our majors may not affect our careers later on. Accept the fact that "play-time" is near extinction. Accept the fact that it takes WORK not luck to get through this world. Once you have achieved this, then comes the joyful views of life. Life will shine and we will bask in the light of our blissful lives... so let it happen. Take the initiative: prepare yourselves for the transformation ahead, accept it, grab a seat, and enjoy the show, because it's gonna be a long one...

Sacrifice...

...the only true measure of love.

One Final Day

If you had 24 hours to live, what would you do? We have been asked this question at least once in our lives. It's an important question and it really helps us learn more about ourselves in many ways.

"What would you do if you only had 24 hours to live?" Seems simple enough, very straight forward... If I had 24 hours to live, I would tell my parents that I love them. I would thank them for everything they've done for me over the past 20 years. I would tell my friends how much they've meant to me. I would go out and watch the sunrise/sunset. I would go for a walk and just reminisce. I would donate my money to those who need it. I would play some basketball. I would have an engaging conversation about... I don't know... about Love, with a complete stranger. I would tell a stranger to live their life to the fullest and never take anything for granted.

You would say the same exact things as me. You and I are no different. We do not live the perfect life we know we should. Ideally, we all should be living a life where we thank our parents and tell them we love them. We should all live a life where we can just take a walk and take in the beautiful day we were given. We should always have the courage and curiosity to speak to strangers and share ideas. We should always help those in need, not only in our final days of life. We tend to forget that we are not promised tomorrow. So we musn't take today for granted. Take a moment out of your busy day to remember that this day was not promised to you, and it is a gift. Remember to thank those around you, and never forget; no body ever gets tired of hearing "I love you," especially your parents.

So go... go out and play! Play in the grass with your fancy suit! Let your hair down! Blow some bubbles! Play a little soccer! Write a letter to a loved one! Say 'Hello' to a complete stranger! Dance to your favorite song! Live your life!

"Life is like a carousel, so enjoy the ride and try not to puke."

A Euphoric Mirage

I remember when I was little, I swore to myself I'd never get married. I'd never feel lonely as long as I had my Power Ranger action figures. Then, maybe a decade later, I decided that I wanted to get married, and be the best husband ever. I know, I know... a complete 180-degree turn, but I'm sure we all went through this as a child. I had an idea of what a good husband/boyfriend was, I guess from watching TV shows and hearing stories. So now, screw power rangers! I just want to be the best boyfriend/husband ever! I wanted to love another to the best of one's abilities!

I always wanted to buy my girlfriend flowers. I would see that kind of stuff on TV, and the girl receiving the flowers was always ecstatic to receive flowers. I didn't really understand why girls liked flowers so much, I never really thought it was a big deal, but whatever makes them happy I suppose. And for some reason, at a young age, I learned that there is a big difference between simply buying the flowers from a shop on the way home, and picking up some flowers from a park or a notarized florist two towns away, and that girls somehow knew the difference.

I also always wanted to make breakfast in the morning before I leave, for my significant other. I remember seeing (probably from a drama) the guy making food and leaving it out on the table/desk for the girl when she wakes up. But a good boyfriend doesn't just leave the food there. He's gotta make sure to cover that baby up so no dust gets on it. Also make sure the kitchen is clean and the sink is empty so when the girl is done eating, she has little to no work to do. He also leaves a cute little note with the meal. Probably saying something about how peaceful the girl looked while sleeping so he didn't have the heart to wake her from her slumber. I am the type of person that needs to witness the fruits of my labor. I can't possibly leave a delicious meal hoping she will eat it and enjoy it. Maybe I could hide in her closet and wait till she wakes up to enjoy the meal... then sneak out somehow afterward.

A good boyfriend should also know how to cook up a mean steak. I don't remember where I got this from, probably just from watching my parents. But I feel like a man needs to be able to make a good steak. Give man fire, and meat, and he shall conjure a meal fit for the Gods.

I always pictured taking my girl to a nice clean park on a sunny day, where the grass is as green as it gets. Sit on a blanket under the biggest oak tree by a big open lake and share stories while eating homemade sandwiches, maybe play the guitar and sing for the girl as she sits back and admires my singing.

My most recent desire was to be filthy rich. I want to make so much money that my girlfriend's/wife's shopping-spree can turn into a weekly event. If she wants to shop, then by all means.. shop till you drop!

I also always envisioned being so much smarter than the girl. Not implying I wanted to date a stupid girl, or girls are stupid. I mean, I always wanted the girl to look up to me. I wanted my girlfriend to look to me for information, whether it was about quantum physics or how to fold a paper-airplane. I wanted teach her new and amazing places or things. Help her open her eyes to the world and discover new challenges.

I always wanted to somehow get a room filled with candles with a table for two in the middle of the room. A nice tall candle in the middle, and a rose. The meal... of course, would be a Steak fit for the Gods! Haha! And for dessert, a nice custom made cake, or a little cupcake.

I've had these visions for maybe the past 10 years? And I'm finally starting to realize why these things only happen in TV dramas or movies... because realistically, its very difficult to achieve these things. And if it does come true, its one of those rare occasions, and that guy is the perfect catch for any girl. Because if you've got a guy who's able to do ALL this... then you've got yourself the "cutest," richest, smartest, most caring guy with A LOT of time on his hands. I'm starting to realize now, these weren't goals. These were euphoric visions of my childhood desires. In the real world, as young adults, we all know what it is we want. But we also understand that what we want is not necessarily what we can have. Every girl wants a guy like this, but is every guy capable of delivering such happiness? Call me a pessimist, or call me lazy, but I am starting to think that this childhood desire, was just a mere euphoric mirage, and this hazy vision is finally starting to clear up. Now I finally see that these aren't what bring people together. A fat juicy steak does not invoke love. Nor does a breakfast in bed help flourish a new found admiration between two people.

It's the minute things in a relationship that brings two people together, and keeps them together. It's about making each other laugh during those morose times. It's about being there for each other when one is ill. It's about being able to share anything. It's about being the shoulder to cry on. It's about knowing when to say "I Love You." Cooking for her, planning a picnic, or buying her flowers shouldn't be the only thing to do to show someone you care. These ideas were absolutely childish of me to concoct, and now I finally see the truth. The euphoric mirage of my childish desires have faded and the truth appears before me today... I just hope it's not too late.