Falling Up

Can we define Love as Trust? Do people fall out of love, or is there just a lack of trust? How does one illustrate love? How does one gain another's trust/love? Do you love someone, or just trust them? Can you trust them to love you?

Unrequited love... what is it that I want returned to me? What am I providing her with that she is not reciprocating back to me? Can I trust myself to love another? Do I trust her? Does she trust me? Do I love her? Does she love me?

Can someone trust a liar? If I lie to my boss, but show positive results; can he trust me? If I lie and tell her I love her; can she trust me? If I lie to myself enough, do I trust what I say is true? If she tells me she loves me, I trust her... but why? If I lie and tell her I love her, will she know it's a lie? Or is she just as foolish as I?

What if I lie, and say that she loves me... can it come true?

Unacceptable

Is it really that wrong for a man to show a little emotion? Do all men have to be the burly, hairy, deep-voiced, cigar-chomping, sword-wielding, battle-crying, emotion-less type for girls/guys to accept them?

I'll admit, that I am one of the few guys that likes to express my emotions (This is apparent from just reading a few of my previous entries). Due to the fact that I am such an emotional guy, especially one that likes to divulge these emotions, I do get a lot of negative criticism from guys and girls... What I don't get is; why can't a man ask to be loved? Is it really that much of a turn off for girls when a man yearns for a woman's comfort? For a man to desire a woman to actually say "I Miss You". For a guy to want to hear from his woman "I love you"?

Okay, well this is going nowhere so I'll say this; I'm that guy. I'm the guy that wants to hear "I miss you." I'm the guy that wants needs to be loved. I'm the guy that goes head over heels for a girl. I'm the guy that wants to tell the world that he's found the one. I'm the guy that gives it his all for her. I'm that guy. So if you have a problem with me... F*CK OFF

Why My Life Sucks as explained by...

Young Kim

"I will explain why your life sucks, by asking just three questions;

1. What was the last thing you spent money on that you really wanted?
2. How much money do you currently have, after working 40+ hours a week for 2 years?
3. When are you getting the MacBook that you've wanted since last year?"

Top 5: Ways to Show You're a Gentleman

What kind of girl would fall for the self-centered slob from the pub? A real lady needs a real gentleman. Gentlemen, for centuries have been praised upon by women and men alike. Women want to be with gentlemen and men want to be gentlemen. Some guys think they know what it takes to be a gentleman; show a little attention to her and open a few doors for her and boom, you're a gentleman... I don't think so. What most men do to become gentlemen, like talking about sentimental topics, or having "girl talks" only makes them gentle men. Well here are some pointers on differentiating between the gentle man and the gentleman. Follow these steps, and you will be on your merry way to becoming a real gentleman.



1. The umbrella

Sometimes the umbrella is just not big enough to cover both of you completely. In this case, a gentleman would obviously lean the umbrella towards his lady friend. Guys, getting a little wet won't kill you, if anything it'll get you some extra points for later that night when she sees that you sacrificed a shoulder for her to be nice and dry. A true gentleman is always thinking two steps ahead.

2. Walking on the sidewalk

Most men don't know this, but making sure the woman is on the inside of the sidewalk is crucial. Don't ever let her walk closest to the street where cars are driving. Holding her hands will make her feel safe, but make sure you let her know, if there is any danger, she is farthest from it. And if there was any imminent danger from the street, you are there to protect her. Attention to minor details such as this is what distinguishes a gentleman from a gentle man.

3. The towels

Again, the gentleman is always keen on details. When a woman steps out of the shower, you should be there to hand the towels to her. I say towels and not towel because a woman needs two towels. We men just use one big towel but, we don't have those lovely long locks like Rapunzel. A woman needs a towel to dry her body and another one to wrap around her hair. Details gentlemen, details!



4. Offer your jacket

The weather seems a bit more chilly than what the weather said, and your lady friend really seems to be feeling the wind chill. No worries! Because she is with a gentleman, and he is not afraid of the cold. Offer your jacket, but NEVER let her know that you may be cold. Don't show her any signs of the weather getting to you, and don't remind her of the weather. Simply let her know you are okay, and make sure she is warm, that's all you care about.

5. Introduce her

When attending a social gathering, its your duty as a gentleman to introduce your lady friend to the rest of the crowd. It's not about flaunting her, but more about letting her feel comfortable. Having her stand next to you while you talk to your friends is rude and very disrespectful. She doesn't need to be treated like a trophy that you carry around. Make her feel comfortable, let your friends be her friends. Briefly introduce her to the others, making sure she is physically included in the conversation.

I'm tired

Just like the rest of you guys with your finals and stuff; I'm tired. But I'm not tired of studying, because I don't do any of that. In fact, I'm tired of never studying. I'm tired of always just "getting by." I'm tired of telling myself "good enough." I'm tired of others looking at me as if I am nothing. I'm tired of pretending it doesn't hurt. I'm tired of letting others put me down. I'm tired of surrounding myself with people that will bring me down. I'm tired of always being the nice guy. I'm tired of stating the obvious. I'm tired of lying. I'm tired of being your clown. I'm tired of being your doormat. I'm tired of saying "it's okay." I'm tired of feeling hopeless. I'm tired of never getting any help. I'm tired of people telling me "it could be worse." I'm tired of my lack of optimism. I'm tired of letting things get the best of me. I'm tired of constantly running through hoops. I'm tired of blaming it on bad luck. I'm tired of complaining. I'm tired of wishing. I'm tired of dreaming. I'm tired of hoping. I'm tired of keeping everything bottled up inside. I'm tired of not having anyone to talk to. I'm tired of being tired.

Where is my relief?

Sifting Through the Bullsh*t

Why is it that people feel the need to hide who they really are? I've come across so many nasty people that hide behind such a beautiful facade. From the outside, he/she appears to be pure, kindhearted and warm. But lift the mask (or the 4 inches of make-up) to reveal the true beast within...

Often called a "tool," these individuals will just about say/do anything they need to befriend you. It's quite a show once you discover one and decide to exploit it. The reasoning behind decisions made by these despondent creatures is unknown, and we can only speculate the basis of their actions.

I can only speculate that these people just hate themselves enough to want to be somebody else. Someone who says something, just to make others laugh. Someone who does something to gain the attention of others. I mean, if you really have the motivation to do it, anything is possible right? Maybe he/she really hates him/herself that much to vie for the perfect guise. A unique disguise that will intrigue, mystify and lure any unsuspecting victim.

But you can't fool me... because I grew up in the valley, and growing up with these sad individuals helped me better spot them out in the wild. If you know one fake person, then you know them all. There isn't much to these creatures, you go through a handful of them and you'll be spotting them out like a pro.

The Pursuit

After that comment from "Scrub" about the film Pursuit of Happyness, I was tempted to look up the ending of the movie on Youtube. I've seen the movie before, but at a time in my life where, frankly, it didn't mean anything to me. I was in high-school and sadly, I didn't have any aspirations, or big goals in my life, just finish high-school and begin the next level of education.

After watching the movie's emotional ending, I couldn't help but watch more. I started going through all of the related clips. Then I came across the one above. Whether or not Chris Gardner actually said that to his son, or it's just something Hollywood conjured up to get a message across in this movie, I'll probably never know. However, the message is there; it's real, and it's certainly something to think about.

"Don't ever let somebody tell you, you can't to something. You got a dream, you gotta protect it. People can't do something themselves, they wanna tell you that you can't do it. You want something? Go get it. Period."

So when I watched this movie, I didn't think much of it. I just thought of it as some guy that was going through some difficulties in his life, and he finally got a break. But, I guess I really have matured over the last 3 years, because thinking about that just makes me want to punch myself in the face. This guy didn't just get a break, he didn't just sit around begging others for help, he took the initiative and did what he needed to do for his child and himself. He was proactive and worked his ass off! And now he's living his life the way he should. Luck has nothing to do with the success of Chris Gardner.

I envy anyone who can consistently live with that mentality. The mentality; "if you want something, go get it. Period." I mean, if I want something, I work for it, but I can only go to a certain point. I've wanted/needed a new laptop for the past 2 years, and I do occasionally bust my ass here at work, vying for sales commission in order to feed the piggy bank. But apparently, I don't have that drive. Because I've been working for 2 years, and I still don't have enough for a laptop. Actually... maybe this simply illustrates my irresponsible spending habits, but regardless, If I had the motivation to get what I wanted, I'd be able to get the laptop and still be able to spend money on whatever I wanted.

I need that motivation to strive for the next level. To strive for success. Everybody has dreams and aspirations to do something or become someone. I don't dream of becoming the richest man on Earth, or the most significant figure in the world; I just want to write. My dream is to write for Engadget. Some may find this stupid, and immature for wanting to write about toys. Sure, I won't be making six-figures, and I probably won't be living in the biggest house in the neighborhood, but I will be doing something I love, and no matter what anybody says to me, they can't take that away from me. "Do something you love, and you won't have to work a day in your life." That's a little more endearing to me than making six-figures... So, it's time for me to step up and protect my dream[s]. To do whatever it takes to reach my goal[s]. It's never too late or too early for The Pursuit.

A Euphoric Mirage

I remember when I was little, I swore to myself I'd never get married. I'd never feel lonely as long as I had my Power Ranger action figures. Then, maybe a decade later, I decided that I wanted to get married, and be the best husband ever. I know, I know... a complete 180-degree turn, but I'm sure we all went through this as a child. I had an idea of what a good husband/boyfriend was, I guess from watching TV shows and hearing stories. So now, screw power rangers! I just want to be the best boyfriend/husband ever! I wanted to love another to the best of one's abilities!

I always wanted to buy my girlfriend flowers. I would see that kind of stuff on TV, and the girl receiving the flowers was always ecstatic to receive flowers. I didn't really understand why girls liked flowers so much, I never really thought it was a big deal, but whatever makes them happy I suppose. And for some reason, at a young age, I learned that there is a big difference between simply buying the flowers from a shop on the way home, and picking up some flowers from a park or a notarized florist two towns away, and that girls somehow knew the difference.

I also always wanted to make breakfast in the morning before I leave, for my significant other. I remember seeing (probably from a drama) the guy making food and leaving it out on the table/desk for the girl when she wakes up. But a good boyfriend doesn't just leave the food there. He's gotta make sure to cover that baby up so no dust gets on it. Also make sure the kitchen is clean and the sink is empty so when the girl is done eating, she has little to no work to do. He also leaves a cute little note with the meal. Probably saying something about how peaceful the girl looked while sleeping so he didn't have the heart to wake her from her slumber. I am the type of person that needs to witness the fruits of my labor. I can't possibly leave a delicious meal hoping she will eat it and enjoy it. Maybe I could hide in her closet and wait till she wakes up to enjoy the meal... then sneak out somehow afterward.

A good boyfriend should also know how to cook up a mean steak. I don't remember where I got this from, probably just from watching my parents. But I feel like a man needs to be able to make a good steak. Give man fire, and meat, and he shall conjure a meal fit for the Gods.

I always pictured taking my girl to a nice clean park on a sunny day, where the grass is as green as it gets. Sit on a blanket under the biggest oak tree by a big open lake and share stories while eating homemade sandwiches, maybe play the guitar and sing for the girl as she sits back and admires my singing.

My most recent desire was to be filthy rich. I want to make so much money that my girlfriend's/wife's shopping-spree can turn into a weekly event. If she wants to shop, then by all means.. shop till you drop!

I also always envisioned being so much smarter than the girl. Not implying I wanted to date a stupid girl, or girls are stupid. I mean, I always wanted the girl to look up to me. I wanted my girlfriend to look to me for information, whether it was about quantum physics or how to fold a paper-airplane. I wanted teach her new and amazing places or things. Help her open her eyes to the world and discover new challenges.

I always wanted to somehow get a room filled with candles with a table for two in the middle of the room. A nice tall candle in the middle, and a rose. The meal... of course, would be a Steak fit for the Gods! Haha! And for dessert, a nice custom made cake, or a little cupcake.

I've had these visions for maybe the past 10 years? And I'm finally starting to realize why these things only happen in TV dramas or movies... because realistically, its very difficult to achieve these things. And if it does come true, its one of those rare occasions, and that guy is the perfect catch for any girl. Because if you've got a guy who's able to do ALL this... then you've got yourself the "cutest," richest, smartest, most caring guy with A LOT of time on his hands. I'm starting to realize now, these weren't goals. These were euphoric visions of my childhood desires. In the real world, as young adults, we all know what it is we want. But we also understand that what we want is not necessarily what we can have. Every girl wants a guy like this, but is every guy capable of delivering such happiness? Call me a pessimist, or call me lazy, but I am starting to think that this childhood desire, was just a mere euphoric mirage, and this hazy vision is finally starting to clear up. Now I finally see that these aren't what bring people together. A fat juicy steak does not invoke love. Nor does a breakfast in bed help flourish a new found admiration between two people.

It's the minute things in a relationship that brings two people together, and keeps them together. It's about making each other laugh during those morose times. It's about being there for each other when one is ill. It's about being able to share anything. It's about being the shoulder to cry on. It's about knowing when to say "I Love You." Cooking for her, planning a picnic, or buying her flowers shouldn't be the only thing to do to show someone you care. These ideas were absolutely childish of me to concoct, and now I finally see the truth. The euphoric mirage of my childish desires have faded and the truth appears before me today... I just hope it's not too late.