What does it take to have a healthy relationship? Most people will tell you that it's about teamwork; it's about two people coming together and contributing the same amount of effort and expressing an equal amount of love for one another to maintain that stable relationship. This sounds about right... but how do we get to that state of equilibrium?Easy, two people that like each other start dating, then they will fall in love; 50/50, boom.
...I don't think so. From personal experience, I can tell you what needs to happen is for a guy to possess an ebullient love for the girl, be completely head over heels for a girl that just does not care about him (this puts us at 100/0). The guy needs to work his butt off to win her heart, the keyword here is to be: pertinacious. After much sweat and tears, he will have won the trust and heart of his beloved. From there, the two will show each other the love that is needed and will slowly, but surely reach that state of equilibrium (50/50).
When I shared this thought with a friend of mine, she insisted that I was completely wrong. That I had an erroneous view of a "healthy relationship."
Jasmine's rebuttal was that, the aforementioned situation is only the ideal situation we all seek. Realistically, she says; girls fall for the guy's commitment, the kind of commitment that really shows, when a guy gives it a 100% (pertinacious). But, in the real world, nothing remains at 100% capacity for long, and once that commitment begins to diminish (which is usually while the two are dating), so does the relationship. She is implying that the guy will give it his all til the point of exhaustion, at which point he will inevitably break/crash/burn and call it quits.
I see the validity in her rebuttal and I do agree with her view on the whole equilibrium situation, but I also disagree lol. Here is my rebuttal to your rebuttal (I'm sure there is some legal jargon for this, but I don't know it); Yes, the guy's commitment will slowly diminish, but at this point, the girl would have stepped up and displayed her share of love as well, which would keep the guy's spirits up. Once the girl even has an ounce of love to share with the guy, I think that's when the stabilization process begins. A guy's commitment/love will surely go from 100% to 90%, to 80% then to 70% and so forth, but while this is happening, the girl's 0% love, would most certainly rise a significant amount, I would hope it would rise significantly faster than the guy's going down... but my point is; at a certain point, they will meet in the middle and reach that state of equilibrium.
Is this too unlikely? Is my vision completely insane? Can this occur within the realms of our world, or is it doomed to abide in utopia?
I don't really think it's rational for only the guy to put forth 100%. He shouldn't be the only person exerting all his energy and unconditional reverance in the launching of a brand new relationship. To me, for any healthy relationship, it's supposed to be about teamwork from beginning to end. What...a guy is supposed to do everything first and then the girl is supposed to hopefully follow? And hopefully it'll even out in time? It's true that relationships should hold a state of equilibrium, but there shouldn't be SO much guesswork. By that time, both parties will be SO. FREAKING. TIRED. I know I would. Then it'll just be all lights out, and all bets off. It's a promising vision, but probably not likely.
ReplyDeleteBut then again, you're quite chivalrous.
that dude from the movie THE NOTEBOOK...
ReplyDeletewell i was writing it in my own perspective. i didnt mean only the guy needs to do all the work, i can see myself falling for a girl who outdoes herself to impress me, or to get me to fall for her.
ReplyDeleteand yea.. now that i think about this is kinda like noah and allie from the notebook..
you forgot my most important point!! the crux of it! the girl's heart is sensitive and fragile. we dont expect a lot, but what we do expect, genuine care and attention, is what guy's give 100% at first but fades. with time, a girl's heart falls harder while the guy's falls out. thats why later down the line, with more fights, guys tend to just push it aside, and dont cater to it fully. I AGREE that some girls are excessively needy and attention-seeking. but on the other hand, girls were just made to be more sensitive. and guys, maybe not all, but most, are scared of commitment. so when things get hard, its easy to just let go of the strings attached. this is not a wholly pessimistic view on relationships because most strong couples are able to find that balance between attention and the commitment involved. but its a tough balance to achieve and you have to experiment and search for it. so basically a lot of maturity and intelligence is required from both sexes to get a healthy (and fun!) relationship.
ReplyDeletebtw i really like the picture that goes along with this entry. so fitting!
ReplyDeleteI am going to bring a Christian aspect to this. Once a couple pasts the "lovey-dovey" stage, the initial stage of enjoying and seeing only the good side and traits of the other, the impure and not so great attributes will eventually rise and surface. At this point, each party must actively choose to overlook and accept the negatives of the other, and continue to love one another the same way they had done before.
ReplyDeleteRealistically speaking, this is a very challenging task that many are incapable of doing. So how does Christ play into this? Well, as Christians, it is sometimes easier to overlook and accept another's flaws and shortcomings because they are constantly reminded of their own flaws that brought Christ to the cross. Seeing the flaws within yourself and seeing the forgiveness and grace that God has given you despite your wrongdoings, it is much easier to tolerate the flaws of others and emulate God's love onto them.
Of course, there are many out there who are not Christians that are able to maintain healthy relationships. But I can guarantee you that they can attest to this and say that it is essential for each party to forgive and accept the other. But personally, I wouldn't be able to love anyone in general without first looking at the love of Christ. And lastly, if each party can attest that their love for one another is growing deeper even in the presence of nasty traits, that is a good sign that they have a healthy relationship.
Why am I writing this instead of my final paper...